wow did I forget I need to do the blog!

I have finished my internship in Paris, in fact I came back about three weeks ago, so I wanted to come on here and talk about how my internship went towards the end, and how I am feeling during this particularly transitional state of my dps year.

I believe where I left you last time I was not in a good place, I was stressed out by the level of work that I needed to do and I was beyond lonely, I really struggled to allow myself to have a professional relationship with my boss, when she was literally my only friend for like five weeks in Paris. my worst fear ever in an internship would be to leave on bad terms, I think I was born stubborn and slightly anxious, so I tend to not think through certain decisions before I take them, even if I think its for the greater good. I came into the studio a lot during this period to work, even by myself on the weekends as a sort of pledge of commitment to the brand. I wanted to see what would happen if I committed myself 100% as I had watched interns do in past internships before. what I didn’t know is that someone respects your boundaries equally as much as they do your commitment. now did going into the studio actually pay off? yes and no. I finished as much as I could but it ended up being wrong and my emotions were super high I cried at work. I was proud of my myself for my commitment to the work but, I just needed to communicate my needs more.

This all being said, from that boiling point, roughly the last four weeks, was literal heaven. two of the other designers brought in interns, I finally had friends at work and out of work who weren’t my boss, which was fantastic because I was able to separate lunch and work, and finally had someone to talk to in a similar situations. im going off topic but something I struggled with was a certain disconnect to people who weren’t in the industry. when I say that I don’t mean oh I worked in a fashion brand and people don’t get it but it was more the distinct spilt of industry culture which startled people. they couldn’t fathom why the hell I would choose to be an unpaid intern and go in on the weekends. but all in all as long as they were open to hearing about my work it was fine, only issue was I sometimes experienced people slander me for my choices. I guess this made me a bit hesitant about the industry… whatever reflection for another day.

Paris ended very peacefully and I felt like I could’ve stayed forever. the minute I got home and stepped into my parents house I started crying, it felt like my freedom had `almost been like taken away from me. even now like three weeks on I am feeling the itch to leave again, not even to Paris but just away. I wanted to write about another reflection I had (it’s all coming out now) which was on the pace of life, in particularly Paris, compared to London. in Paris, no matter who I spoke to whether it was Parisians who had grown up there or British students who had adapted to the lifestyle, they all lived slower. breathed more and felt the life they were living. they all sporadically decided to go out in the evenings or do yoga in the mornings. I have never seen a group of people less attached to their phones. even people on the street, I started to notice small differences, life just felt more passionate. maybe it’s to do with the language too.i started to pick up habits too, I called people more, I read in my spare time. the sun setting an hour later also helped. I think also the concept of the terrace, the seats outside a bar or cafe which allow people to people watch, because there was no beer gardens life wasn’t hidden in the city, it sprawled out onto the streets. this was difficult when I was lonely because all I wanted to do was join them. and I did eventually.

as for the work itself I feel new. I understand that ribber brother machine inside out, I cleaned its dust, sponge bar, I oiled that guy. I learnt how to do things much much faster, cleaner and more efficiently. I also feel like I unlocked new vision on knit garments I can now see the rows, increases and decreases and the slightest fibre out of place on the linking machine. luisa tended to describe actions lovingly, shed always tell me to hug the linker to see the back of the knit, or when I was casting off shed describe the latch tool kissing the yarn to close. her work truly was alive, especially since she only used natural fibres you often to see the wool relax when steamed. it made me think about the past lives of the yarn before I knit it. I also learned about the importance of taking care of your body when doing a physically demanding craft. to take breaks and breathe.

now I am back in the uk, I have done one day at knitster. I am not particularly happy right now honestly, I feel like I was a bit mislead on the interview in that they told me I would be knitting samples to then change into developments for garments for clients. at least that was my understanding of it. its not! its quality checking for 8 hours and then washing stuff in a big laundry mat. now, im in a bit of a predicament because knitster is quite a well revered factory in the knitwear industry, maybe I have judged it too quickly and also I don’t know If I will actually get the chance to knit in the future. it is only 3 months. that’s not a long time. on the other hand I feel like these months coming up to September are like my final chance to learn something actually worthwhile. I also am afraid I’ll forget everything luisa taught me if I don’t knit. which has happened before. im going to try to go for a week. if I go into tomorrow and feel like im going to explode ill quit. but im really trying to make the most of it. its also in a super industrial area I might as well be in a different country.

im done that was a long one. speak soon! bye xxx

p.s here’s some pictures from paris