hey everyone long time no chat. I promise I will upload everything but another time sorry!

honestly ive not had the time at all to write, moving to another country to be the only intern at work is serious business. the first three weeks were blissful, everything was so novel and it was all very exciting…. though I am feeling more settled, suddenly the acts of certain people in the studio have dropped, and they’ve gotten a bit more French. ive been finding it hard to manage my anxiety (I have always had this) on whether I am forming my relationships the best I can. its a shame I feel this way because actually nothing is wrong and half of it is just me overthinking little interactions. either way it doesn’t matter and I have to remind myself my value (in terms of this internship) is solely based on the quality of work I produce, which I feel like has been pretty good.

as for the work everything is so standardised, Luisa has a fantastic system for everything I feel like I am 10x more efficient and have a much better understanding of of knitting. for example I am much better at fixing mistakes more and problem solving. I went to feel the yarn which was awesome and spoke to Italian yarn manufacturers, wrote notes and look very professional. I do production, pattern development and linking among other things in the studio, I will attach pictures.

overall this is a great experience and I just need to teach myself how to chill out sometimes.

as for my sip its in the works, im gonna apply for that pitch it thing and basically I want to give my friends/ young artists the space to actually talk about their work and why they’ve made it. there’s not enough voices in modern art., besides from that art in itself ive realised during placement isn’t that important in the grand scheme of things so I am going to involve a charity in some sort of way. and have a dj. stay tuned

actually speak soon this time 🙂

Hey everyone I have not updated you so heres where im at.

I’m still at the placement that I have been at since September. I feel finally like ive found my feet and what I can bring to the placement. that not to say that I don’t still make mistakes but I feel a lot of settled in my abilities which is great cause ill bring it forward into my new placements for the rest of this year. I think I realised this once someone new had to come in and they were messing up on all the stuff I had to learn alone. it felt good to pass it on. but also that they should also figure it out for themselves. also wanted to say I had a small argument with one of the other interns concerning her throwing me under the bus, but ive resolved that’d I was the bigger person. so that a great lesson learnt too.

I think I’ve just been too busy to be able to reflect properly on my journey these past few months, with the commute biting out a whole 3 hours of my day I think I’m ready for a change of environment for both this internship and the past year. I’m really glad I decided to do a placement year but it’s proper kicking me into shape. ive found it quite difficult to continue to prioritise myself and to listen to what I want to do or where or who I want to hang out with, suddenly time has gotten a lot more precious.

needless to say, my future plans are to move to Paris in January which now seem like a bit of a far fetched jump, but im willing to put in the time and effort to make this dream a reality. I just hope it all goes well !

il keep this a bit more regular from now on. bye xxxx

Agility:

1. i am going to explore this in the studio at my internship and also at home when i am working on my own projects, to be able to quickly change and adapt depending on the situation, retaining an open mind and a calm mentality
2. i am going to speak to my placement provider on what i steps i can take to adapt to the situation quickly and in the correct way.
3. i am going to actively rewire my brain not to freak out on small mistakes and stay calm. decentralise what i am doing and remind myself its not the end of the world

enterprise:

1. i can explore this in networking situations or when applying for internships.
2. i am going to put it into practice to jump on opportunities and talk to different brands and actively set up meetings
3. i will apply to all the opportunities i see fit and not be worry to try. i will also manage my time even if its a bigger risk.

Self efficacy

•  i can explore/ develop this attribute at my internship by being more relaxed and confident in showing my work for analysis. i will be able to approach it in a more positive light and be prouder of my achievements
• i am going to speak to my tutor and my friends to be able to be more confident and prouder of my abilities.
• i am going to develop my ability to speak out confidently in situations where i have to ask questions about the work i am doing confidently

helloooo! I have currently been with Raquel De Carvahlo for over two months now and I feel like I am finally starting to get a hang of the routine in the studio. I have been working on adapting physical paper patterns to the knitting machine. I write enjoy the maths portion of it, it relaxes my brain. I am very proud of myself for figuring it out, knitting and blocking the pattern pieces. I feel like I have been learning a lot of things which I can bring forward into the future. additionally I have keeping on top of yarn stock. it is really nice to stay organised and clean, I have brought this forward into my own personal life as I am so busy I have planned via my online calendar as well as maintaining a physical journal to make sure I keep up with my tasks. all this of course can get a tad overwhelming. but I know it’ll all figure itself out. I’ve attached some pics of me in the studio and what I’m working on. I am knitting I just can’t upload it cause its secret.

There is also a touch of conflict in the studio with the teachers who teach pattern cutting, which sometimes makes me hyper aware of what I’m saying or how I come off. its difficult to remain an air of confidence, to not let people walk over you, while remaining down to earth and a hard worker. I guess I just need stronger boundaries in those types of situations.

Yesterday Raquel had a talk in collaboration with the firm fox Williams, talking about fashion sustainability and law, which surprisingly was really interesting and made me want to be a lawyer. there is such a difficulty between producing art that is true to you while still abiding by. the regulations of the law. it really restricts your creative process. of course as the new generation it is my responsibility to remain somewhat sustainable or at least as much as I can do, however my passion is expressing myself through physical media. I guess I’ll deal with it when I start my brand. lol. Besides the talk itself there was a guest speaker form Margret Howell, truthfully I hadn’t heard about it before but I love their ethos and clean cut beautiful clothes. I love the idea of clothes existing before you as raw materials and after you.

otherwise I’m all good. 🙂

hey everyone!

I finally finished making this balaclava last week, and it really pushed my resilience. I haven’t been so good at being precious with my work, especially creating samples, because there isn’t anyone at stake, whereas producing for someone else has more pressure added to it. especially since the pattern needed to have adjustments added to it, I found myself continuously adding/ altering it. this internship so far has helped me think more critically both within my craft and how I present myself in a working environment, in particularly managing emotions. I hold a high standard of work to myself and often get frustrated when I don’t achieve what I want to. but Rome wasn’t built in a day ;). (p.s id attach a picture but I signed an nda)

POSITIONALITY

I wouldn’t say much of my direct heritage defines my work, but rather the environment I grew up in at home. my mother surrounded the house with infinite colours and patterns from Uzbek culture: there was a Persian rug in every room, intricate beaded signs declaring what room you were about to enter, and every painting she had ever made adorning the walls. it still remains like this today. I think this appreciation for aesthetics developed into a translation of my feelings to craft. I think handiwork both allows me to be calm in the act of creating something, and also express how I am feeling. additionally I went to a predominantly white all girls school until the age of 16, very focused on academics rather than the arts. I think in some aspects this restrained my ability to fully express myself as I didn’t feel as connected to the other subjects, and I wasn’t exposed to a lot of diversity in culture. when I went to college and met lots of people I was able to learn a lot more about different communities and their practices’, how art/ textiles is represented in peoples individual cultures, which encouraged me to explore my own.

over the past year I have done a deep dive into my parents history growing up in Uzbekistan and this has unlocked a curiosity of the origins of various fibres and how different cultures utilise them both in tradition and now in the modern world. (such as vicuna I love Peru and vicuna) I bring forward the use of a chosen colour theme, as well as details within my work to explore how I can storytell in the means of physical media.

sorry guys this turned into an essay!

bye xxxx

hello, a couple weeks ago I got the opportunity to attend some events during London fashion week. I went to a talk by perfect magazine which was awesome and I dressed at the mark fast show. the header on my blog is me on the bus back.

One thing which stuck out to me during the perfect magazine talk, was a section where photographer Aidan Zamari spoke about how creative work gains a new value once released to the audience. You can view your work however you like, but ultimately the art you create isn’t yours. it gains a new life as people interpret it however they like.

This really resonated with me as it would like my work to be seen differently by different people.

very cool experience.

Hello everyone on my blog!

I have been feeling good, slightly overwhelmed but I can feel that I am adjusting to my new environment. Some challenges have been showing up everyday with 100% commitment. I am really enjoying my placement but I want to feel like I am contributing and that I am being as productive as I can be. I only go 3 days a week, so id like to make the most of it. 

Im currently developing my knitting machine skills and my skill of resilience as my knitting falls off the machine sometimes.

Ive been reading a few blog posts on Substack, specifically 1granary which have been interesting. I am feeling very immersed in current happenings in the fashion world. Additionally I have been listening to ‘the psychology of your twenties’ on Spotify. makes me feel heard and supported lol.

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